


From Liverpool With Love

by misura



Category: Football RPF, James Bond - All Media Types, Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Boring James Milner, Crack, M/M, Spies & Secret Agents, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: @BoringMilnerOctober 24James Bond and I got into a bit of trouble today & I wasn't sure if I should go through with the mission while someone was pointing a gun at him only then he said Do it for England JamesI guess he hasn't heard I'm not playing for England anymore





	From Liverpool With Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tunafish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tunafish/gifts).



> set in a fictional version of 2016.
> 
> about 80% Milly, 15% Bond and 5% Corbyn,which may or may not be an accurate representation of my interest in football, Bond movies and UK politics.

**@BoringMilner** June 18

Today I met James Bond

I said Hi James. I'm James  
He said Hi James. I'm James

He seemed nice

 

 **@BoringMilner** June 20

Practice game yesterday. We scored twice so if they'd only scored once we would have won but they'd scored three times so we lost.

 

 **@BoringMilner** June 24

James Bond came by my house. He said he thought there might be bugs so I told him I hadn't seen any & that I cleaned regularly.

He asked Do you mind if I sweep for them anyway?  
I said Wouldn't you rather use a vacuum cleaner?  
He said No, James, I would not rather use a vacuum cleaner  
I said OK  
He said OK

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 18

I thought I'd relax with a nice crossword puzzle only it turned out there was a secret message hidden inside of it so I had to go and prevent an assassination instead, but on the way back home, I remembered I was almost out of milk, so I stopped by the store and got some, so now I am no longer almost out of milk.

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 18

Today I met Jeremy Corbyn

I said Hi Jeremy. I'm James  
He said Hi James. I'm Labour

They seemed nice

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 20

I called James Bond.

He said Is this an emergency?  
I said No I just fancied a nice chat with a cup of tea  
He said I'm sorry but I need to go and kill someone now  
I said OK  
He said OK

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 20

I went to the store because I thought I was almost out of milk, only I'd forgotten that I'd already gone and gotten some the day before yesterday so now I have too much milk.

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 20

I called Jeremy Corbyn

He said Is this an emergency?  
I said No I just wanted to ask if you knew what to do with milk  
He said Well I think we should subsidize it  
I said OK  
He said I'm sorry but I need to go and win an election now

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 23

I got captured by a bad guy & he said he was going to throw me in a tank with lots of sharks.

I said Do you expect me to talk?  
He said No Mr Milner I expect you to die  
I said Oh

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 25

Thanks for the well-wishes, everyone. I got rescued in the nick of time and afterwards we sat down for a nice cup of tea & we might have spent the night in a hotel room only I remembered I really wanted to do the bathroom the next morning so we got on the first flight back to London instead.

 

 **@BoringMilner** July 28

James Bond came by my house.

He said Are you all right?  
I said Did you know we have the same number? Only yours has two zeroes in front of it  
He said Yes James. That's because I am licensed to kill people  
I said OK

 

 **@BoringMilner** August 2

Today's game was very exciting. We almost scored a goal, only we didn't, so it ended in a draw.

 

 **@BoringMilner** August 7

I went to the store to get some eggs & when I got back it turned out someone had put a bomb in my house and it blew up. Happily no one got injured, although I'm sorry now that I stayed up late last night to give the kitchen an extra good cleaning, as now it has gotten blown up so I could just have gone to bed on time instead.

 

 **@BoringMilner** August 7

Jeremy Corbyn called me

He said Would you like me to come over?  
I said Well someone just blew up my house so I'm afraid I can't make you any tea  
He said I know. It's terrible  
I said Yes. There's just nothing like a nice cup of tea is there

 

 **@BoringMilner** August 10

James Bond asked me to go on a vacation with him only it turned out it wasn't a vacation at all.

 

 **@BoringMilner** August 12

Someone almost plunged the world into an all-out nuclear war but James Bond killed him, which he is allowed to because he has two zeroes in front of his number. I don't have two zeroes in front of my number so I am not allowed to kill people.

 

 **@BoringMilner** October 14

Excited to be moving into my new home today. Looking forwards to giving the whole place a good cleaning this weekend!

 

 **@BoringMilner** October 17

Jeremy Corbyn called me

He said James would you like to come over for a cup of tea?  
I said You know I am always in the mood for a cup of tea

 

 **@BoringMilner** October 17

I got to Jeremy Corbyn's place only it turned out he wasn't wearing any clothes so I asked him Do you always drink tea naked? and he said Yes James and I said But what if you spill any? and he said Well James that is why I am a politician and you are a footballer

He hadn't yet made any tea yet either, so I went into his kitchen and made some

 

 **@BoringMilner** October 19

The nearest store doesn't have the brand of canned vegetables I usually get but they do have a wider selection of fresh fruits and vegetables so every time I go to the store it's a tough decision which one to go to.

 

 **@BoringMilner** October 24

James Bond and I got into a bit of trouble today & I wasn't sure if I should go through with the mission while someone was pointing a gun at him only then he said Do it for England James

I guess he hasn't heard I'm not playing for England anymore

 

 **@BoringMilner** October 30

Happy Halloween everybody! Looking forwards to trying out some of the 1001 Fun Things to Do with Pumpkins. #PumpkinParty

 

 **@BoringMilner** November 4

Jeremy Corbyn called me last night

He said James I am not wearing any clothes right now  
I said Well I think pajamas might technically count as clothes although I've heard it argued both ways  
He said James you should never become a politician  
I said Jeremy if you were any good at football you should have become a footballer but you didn't so I guess you aren't any good at football

He hung up. I wonder if I hurt his feelings but I was only being honest so I think I didn't.

 

 **@BoringMilner** November 15

I thought I had pushed the button on my phone that would send out a distress signal only it turned out I had pushed the number causing it to self-destruct instead. So funny

 

 **@BoringMilner** November 20

Got some Christmas shopping done today, because I like to be prepared and also there was a sale, so there were two good reasons to stock up and anyway you can never have to many cans of beans

 

 **@BoringMilner** November 24

James Bond asked me to go on a vacation with him.

I said Is it really a vacation this time?  
He said Yes James this time it is really a vacation  
I said Only last time it turned out it wasn't really a vacation at all  
He said Well this time it is really a vacation  
I said So does that mean I can ask Jeremy Corbyn to come along?  
He said James I already did  
I said OK  
He said OK

 

 **@BoringMilner** December 2

It wasn't really a vacation after all, but they had some nice cleaning products at the safe house for me to try out and some of them were very good. Some of them weren't, but now at least I'll know that when I see them in the store I don't need to buy them.


End file.
